 [news] [reviews] [features] |
|
|
CRY_WOLF (2005)
Director: Jeff Wadlow. Hacktors: Jon Bon Jovi, Julian Morris, Jared Padalecki. Rating/5: 
The lowdown: Imagine my face at the press preview gathering when a big '12A' certificate appeared on the screen, prior to the airing of this tiresome teen slasher. It didn't bode well at all. As it turns out, though, Cry_Wolf's sins don't lie in its lack of gore (it has blood, but all the killings are offscreen). No, it's the utterly stupid plot which sinks it. The story sees a group of smart-ass boarding school kids usher in new English arrival Owen. Led by sexy redhead Dodger (okay, her name's not so sexy), this group play wanky 'lying games'. When a student is found murdered in the woods, they oh-so-naturally decide to extend their penchant for deception to the whole school, fabricating an on-campus serial killer and spreading the 'news' via an e-mail. Seems, though, that the real killer doesn't take too long to all this make-believe: could the group be next on his/her/their list? Good points: I'm actually quite a fan of the post-Scream teen-slasher genre: it's usually good fun. This one closely resembles 1998's Urban Legend and in fact could have been that franchise's fourth entry with some tinkering. Except it would be a very bad Urban Legend flick. Now, hold on a second, this is supposed to be the good stuff. Well, as previously mentioned, Lindy Booth is attractive as Dodger and not too bad an actress, either. Jon Bon Jovi is quite good, too, as likeable teacher Mr Walker, who may or may not be secretly getting it on with Dodger. As contrived as it is, the basic idea of the story isn't terrible, either. Right. On to the bad... Bad points: While you know that the numerous plot twists are intended to be extremely clever, in reality they become more teeth-grindingly improbable by the minute. Unless you're able to suspend your disbelief at the drop of a hat, the climactic explanation will assuredly have you groaning like an oak tree in high winds. The constant need to crowbar in emerging technology also becomes irritating: when one girl texts a semi-naked pic of herself to her boyfriend's cellphone, you just know that there'll be a shadowy figure lurking behind her. &nsbp;&nsbp; The student characters all manage to annoy, with their constant wisecracking and excessive smarm. Even our supposed hero, Owen, talks bollocks like a second language (Sample profound line: "This is high school. Nothing is real"... what?) and the man portraying him, Julian Morris, sadly appears to have been constructed from wood. Even worse, Morris often seems unable to speak clearly. He's brought shame on this country, I tells ya... DVD Details: On Region 1 disc, Cry_Wolf is available in rated and unrated versions. Not having seen it unrated, I don't know how much extra red stuff is added, but I'm guessing it's negligible. Besides a Dolby Digital 5.1 audio track, there's a yak-track from director/co-writer Wadlow, producer/co-writer Beau Bauman and editor/associate producer Seth Gordon. Then you've got deleted and extended scenes, an 'alternate' scene, a casting featurette called Wolves, Sheep and Shepherds: Casting the Roles and lastly the film-makers' earlier short films (again with commentary). A good enough line-up, in pure dollar-value terms. Overall: I wouldn't mind a minimal-gore teen slasher if it had a good story and managed to scare. This one just insults your intelligence. As the saying goes, no-one likes a smart ass and Cry_Wolf's full of them. Release Date: Out now on Region 1 DVD. UK theatrical date: January 13, 2006. [Home] © Copyright Slasherama 2002-present |